Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
