Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
