The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
