So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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