I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
