Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize