Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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