I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
