im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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