you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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