naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
