Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
