i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
one two three fourrrrnication!
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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