all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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