I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize