if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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