I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
