Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
