I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
