Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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