apparently the secret to your success is patron
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
