Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize