If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
