found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize