Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
