I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
