pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
