trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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