don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
