Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
