i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
