remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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