Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This toilet bowl is my home.
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