Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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