i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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