Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
