Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
