I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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