There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
