My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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