Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
