Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
