i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
