i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
