Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
