he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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