I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
