Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
