Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
