i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
