White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
