after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize