you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
