I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I want is dick and wine.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize