From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
