That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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