Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry my hands just texted you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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