She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
