after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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