Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
