The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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