The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
