the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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