Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
