So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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