just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
