Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My vagina is very pro this idea
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
