Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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