Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
