Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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