I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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