I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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