are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize